


Before Taking the Next Step

by Himanochi



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Mild Self-Deprecation, One Shot, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-14 07:25:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19268539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Himanochi/pseuds/Himanochi
Summary: In a moment of panic and uncertainty, Komaeda finds the resolve for a better future in the form of an eternity.





	Before Taking the Next Step

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the KomaHina Secret Exchange on tumblr.

Nagito heard the cottage’s door open behind him, but he didn’t move. He couldn’t. Not with his muscles frozen in place and his eyes glued to the small object in his hand. Surely, he wasn’t supposed to see it, but he did, and now it was too late to pretend he didn’t.

What bad luck.

He knew the only person who could’ve entered the cottage was Hinata. This _was_ Hinata’s cottage, after all, though only half of the stuff inside belonged to him. The other half belonged to Nagito, but the metal object in his hand definitely wasn’t one of the possessions that had found its way from his own cottage over to his boyfriend’s in the last four years.

“Did you find it?” Hinata’s voice was slightly muffled by the frantic beating of his heart inside his chest, causing blood to rush up and through his ears too fast.

He couldn’t remember looking for something, but that must’ve been the reason why he was sitting on the floor and in front of Hinata’s small cabinet. He did indeed find something, too, but it had locked him in a frozen state of shock immediately after picking it up.

His mouth was dry, his throat closed off.

“Nagito?” The sound of footsteps against the wooden floor filled the silence, accompanying Hinata’s worried voice, both coming closer and closer with each passing second. “Are you okay?”

He wasn’t. His thoughts turned into screams and his shock morphed into panic. Even though he knew there was nothing to be done. He had seen it, he was holding it, and Hinata would know he did the moment he was close enough to look over his shoulder.

In that case, might as well confront it head-on.

Nagito sat up straight, forcing himself to speak and willing his voice to be steady, “Hey, Hinata-kun?”

He anticipated the exaggeratedly annoyed sigh, the gesture managing to calm some of his nerves thanks to its familiarity, “How many times do I have to say it’s okay if you call me Haji—Oh.”

And there were the nerves again. Nagito took a deep breath through his nose, finally lifting his gaze from the object held aloft by his right hand’s thumb and index finger, and looked at Hinata who was now standing directly at his side. His gaze was not returned, Hinata’s own eyes instead zeroing in on Nagito’s most recent discovery.

Now, Hinata was the one frozen in shock.

“What is this?” Nagito asked, lifting his right hand a little higher, his tone carefully neutral. It was a rather useless question, seeing as the answer was obvious, but he wanted to know if Hinata would add an extra noun to it. If his suspicions were true or if he was overthinking it.

Hinata’s mismatched eyes flickered back and forth, uncertainty written plainly on his face. He swallowed as he settled on an answer, meeting Nagito’s gaze with an air of confidence, “It’s a ring.”

_Just_ a ring, then. Something warm, cold, and hot brewed inside his chest, threatening to consume him whole if it all were to spill over. He shouldn’t dwell on it.

He absentmindedly rolled the gold ring over his fingertips with his thumb, fidgeting with it without letting his eyes stray away from Hinata’s. He needed to talk if he wanted to keep the direction of his thoughts under control, even if he didn’t know where he was going with this.

So, he asked, “Why?”

Hinata blinked at him, his eyes glazing over. “It’s a hollow circular object, made of a single type of metal,” his voice sounded detached, monotone, “It is as a piece of jewelry, for decorative or cere—”

“Why was there a ring in your drawer?”

Hinata’s mouth stood open for a few seconds before abruptly falling shut, the fog in his eyes clearing up again. His features contorted into a grimace, likely in anticipation of the incoming headache, but he briefly closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Slip-ups like that were rare these days. He must be nervous, Nagito thought, freaking out internally.

“I put it there,” Hinata said once he had calmed down. At least, it _looked_ like he was calm, for the most part. He stared at a point just above Nagito’s shoulder instead of meeting his gaze.

“When?” Hinata hesitated and that was all it took for Nagito’s questions to boil over and tumble out of his mouth, “How long did you have it? Where did you get it? What—For what purpose—”

His breath caught in his throat when Hinata fell to his knees, sitting down beside him, and raised his hands in front of his chest, a signal for Nagito to stop talking. He took a deep breath, letting his hands drop down onto his lap where he clenched them into fists. He was still avoiding Nagito’s gaze.

A deafening kind of silence filled the air.

“I guess it’s too late to say it’s not what it looks like, huh?” Hinata mumbled more than said. The tension in his shoulders was painfully visible.

Nagito didn’t think it was an honest question, but he answered anyway, “Kinda. It always is if you lead with that.”

Hinata laughed—it was a low, deprecating laugh, clearly directed at himself. He shook his head, his eyes falling onto the small box that had previously stored the ring still lying in the open drawer. A plethora of conflicting emotions danced across his face, none staying long enough for Nagito to put a name to them.

When he spoke up again, his features had settled on a serious expression that was equally guarded as it was open. “To answer your question,” his tone was soft, fragile, nothing more than a whisper, “the ring’s been in there for a month or so, but…I had it since, um, our anniversary this year…”

Nagito blinked at him, “That was five months ago.”

“Yeah…” Hinata lowered his head, angling it in a way that prevented Nagito from seeing his face, “I couldn’t… I mean, I didn’t…” He paused, shook his head, and said, more firmly this time, “I was _planning_ to ask…”

“But…?” Nagito wasn’t sure if he actually wanted to know.

“But I—I was, ugh,” Hinata sounded annoyed, though the kind he always got when he was embarrassed about something. It was usually a good sign, and it lifted some of the anxiety pressing down on Nagito’s chest.

Hinata sighed, his shoulders slumping a little. It meant he shoved away his pride and gave up on trying to find a way around saying whatever was most likely igniting his cheeks with a blush by now. Nagito was proud of himself for being able to read him so well, though that moment of positivity was crushed by Hinata’s next words.

“I was scared, okay? I couldn’t bring myself to do it,” he was still speaking quietly, as if he was afraid someone might overhear them, but his tone was rushed. “I kept worrying and thinking, and I never found the words to—”

“You think I’d say no?” Nagito clenched his hand into a fist, the ring now trapped between his palm and fingers.

“No!” Hinata’s head snapped up, his eyes meeting Nagito’s. Three seconds passed and he looked away again, though he didn’t try to hide his face. “Yes,” he admitted, “But that wasn’t—I didn’t think that because I thought you wouldn’t want to or anything, I just… I couldn’t stop thinking about what ifs.”

Nagito frowned, his head tilting to the side in confusion. “What if…what?”

Hinata pressed his lips together in a thin line. There was a scowl on his face, though his anger was clearly directed at himself. It was a familiar expression for Hinata, as much as Nagito wished otherwise—although he felt like a hypocrite for thinking that way, which was why he never said anything about it.

“I thought, what if you say no…”

Hinata’s voice was shacking ever so slightly. Nagito wouldn’t have noticed if he had spoken just a little bit louder, but Hinata had stopped putting up a front when he was alone with him a while ago.

“…because you think you don’t deserve it. Or I deserve better. What if you don’t take me seriously, because you think no one in their right mind would ever want to spend the rest of their life with you. What if—” his breath hitched, but he pushed through it, “What if you’ll try to break up with me, because you think your constant presence is putting ideas into my head that are holding me back or—or something.”

Nagito felt a pang of guilt stab right through his chest. He did think that, all of it, the moment he found the ring. It was an impulse, his immediate reaction. A self-deprecating thought that, at some point, had become a habit.

“I kept thinking about it—these scenarios—and they kept appearing in my head whenever I tried to find the courage to ask, so I just,” Hinata raised his shoulders in a weak half-shrug, “gave up, I guess.”

There was no denying the fact that Hinata deserved someone who was better than him.

Someone who wouldn’t make him give up on something like this. Someone who gave him courage instead of taking it away. Someone who treasured him enough to never even think about leaving him. Someone who trusted him, didn’t question his decisions. Someone who could make him happy, every day, for the rest of his life. Someone who was worth it.

And Nagito wasn’t that someone.

_But_ …

“You didn’t get rid of it,” he mumbled, turning his head to look at the ring. His fist had opened and his fingers were playing with it again, the cold metal gliding over his fingertips.

“Of course not,” he could feel Hinata’s stare trying to bore a hole through the side of his head. “This doesn’t mean I don’t want to. I just—need to wait a bit longer. That’s what I thought, at least.”

“You’re okay with that?” Nagito whispered, “With waiting?”

“I am,” he didn’t even hesitate. He did pause, though, and when he continued, his tone sounded almost shy, “If you really don’t want to, though, then that’s okay, too. As long as you don’t tell me to leave you, I’m fine with anything. Even—Even if you…just want to be friends or something.”

Nagito’s heart was beating painfully fast inside his chest. He wouldn’t be surprised if it ended up damaging his ribcage with all the pounding it was doing. He was sure Hinata could hear it, even if his hearing process hadn’t been tampered with by a bunch of lab coat wearing, self-proclaimed researchers.

He noticed his hand was shaking. He brought up his left hand to keep it steady, enclosing it and the ring in a cold fist. It did nothing for the tremble in his voice, “Why…why would you…do that for me? Wait for me? Accept whatever answer I give, even if it isn’t the one you wanted to hear? I don’t—I know you are kind, Hinata-kun, selfless even—when you want to be—but surely there has to be a limit?” Never could he be this lucky, after all.

There was no response, and for a moment, Nagito was afraid Hinata had left while he was caught up in his rambling. With a shaky gasp passing over his lips, Nagito’s head snapped up, to his side, where Hinata had been sitting—and he was still there, looking back at him, meeting his gaze.

Hinata’s eyes were filled with an intensity that made Nagito shiver. It carried over into his voice, strengthening it, “If you think I’m only doing this to be nice, or out of the goodness in my heart, you’re mistaken.”

Nagito didn’t know what to say, but he wasn’t given the time to gather his thoughts, anyway.

“I’m selfish, and that’s why I can wait,” Hinata said. “I’m not willing to completely part ways with you under any circumstances, because I can be happy when I’m next to you. It’s that simple.”

“…simple,” he echoed the word back at Hinata, not sure if he was mocking it or if he marveled at the idea of something in his life actually being _simple_ for once. And that uncertainty was enough to kill the protest that had been ready to jump out of his mouth.

His gaze wandered back to the ring clutched by two mismatched hands. He remembered the pain, the nightmares, the all-consuming hatred. Nothing about any of it was simple.

_But_ …

The ring in his hands had no start and no end. Hinata was offering him an eternity. He would be lying if he said he didn’t want it. All he had to do was say it, claim it, take it before anyone else could. It was selfish—so, so selfish— _just like Hinata_.

“Hinata-kun?”

He didn’t deserve it, but he wanted it.

“Yes?”

Hinata deserved better, but that wasn’t what he wanted.

“Do you remember when you said you love me?”

No one in their right mind would want to spend the rest of their life with him, but that was a thing he told himself to make the loneliness more bearable, and he hadn’t felt lonely in a while.

“I do.”

They could break up right now, but Hinata would refuse to ever truly leave him.

“Do you regret it?”

He wasn’t worth anything…

“Never.”

…but Hinata had always disagreed.

Nagito took a deep breath, steeling himself for whatever would come next, “Then ask.”

He didn’t. Not immediately. There was a pause, long enough to make Nagito strengthen his grip around the ring in his hands, but too short for him to have any second thoughts.

Hinata’s hands entered his vision from the side, one laying down on top of Nagito’s and the other supporting them from below. Nagito was unable to look anywhere else. A lump formed inside his throat, cutting off the air that was supposed to fill his lungs.

It wasn’t dread, though, the feeling that clawed its way up to the surface. It was anticipation, the nervous but excited kind. He held his breath.

Hinata’s voice was as gentle as his touch, “If I do, will you give me your honest answer?”

A nod was all he could do in form of a reply.

“Komaeda.” He flinched at the sound of his last name, so used to hearing Hinata say his given name. But it had to simply be a formality, nothing more—it didn’t mean anything else, surely. Hinata’s hold of Nagito’s hands was as strong as ever. “Can you marry me?”

Oh.

Nagito expected a different question. Not entirely different, but differently worded. It gave the question a different meaning, a different weight. He couldn’t answer it with a single word if he truly wanted to be honest about it, like Hinata requested.

He forced his muscles to relax, letting go of his held breath. He swallowed to get rid of the lump inside his throat, “I…”

He frowned, his mind racing to find the best way to formulate what he wanted to say—what he wanted Hinata to know. It was so, _so much_ … Words he never thought he’d say one day, but that he really, truly wanted to believe in.

Nagito closed his eyes. “I don’t think I can,” his voice was steady, clear, carrying the resolve he’d slowly found over the past years. “I’m sorry.”

He predicted the silence that answered him, and he kept his eyes firmly closed throughout it, even when he felt the grip of Hinata’s hands on his own weakening until they had retreated all the way, leaving the one hand that could still feel to suffer from the sudden loss of warmth.

“I see,” Nagito could hear a smile in Hinata’s voice, a sad and accepting one. “That’s okay.”

“No, it’s not,” he shook his head. Knowing Hinata would want him to elaborate, he opened his eyes to meet his gaze and said, with a certain finality to it, “Because I want to.”

Hinata looked confused, but Nagito didn’t let that stop him. He knew he’d start rambling any second, but it was worth it this time. The only good thing about his tendency to turn off the function in his brain that filtered his words when speaking, was the fact that it allowed him to mean every single word he said during that time frame. And Hinata _knew_ that.

“I don’t deserve it,” Nagito said. “I don’t deserve _you_ , because I’m a piece of trash that doesn’t deserve a chance at happiness like this. Not when I can’t give you the same in return. I’m still too broken to think differently.”

It seemed like Hinata wanted to interject, so Nagito spoke faster.

“I stopped blaming myself for every little thing that goes wrong, but that’s not enough. I still insult myself. I still think lowly of myself. You shouldn’t have to deal with someone like that for the rest of your life, Hinata-kun. But I—I can’t deny that I want that! To be with you, even if it’s so incredibly selfish. So, that’s why…”

His voice was shaking a little, he noticed. His body was, too. It was so much. Almost too much. But he had to say it, now that he found the resolve to make these things a reality. Saying them out loud, for Hinata to hear, was the first step towards them.

“That’s why…” He took a deep breath, “If you could wait just a little bit longer, until I don’t think like that anymore, until I can see myself the same way you see me, because I really, _really_ like you, Hinata-kun, and you deserve someone better than this, so—so I’ll become someone better than this!”

In the back of his mind, he wondered if he sounded desperate. He’d call it pathetic, but the feeling currently consuming him wasn’t born out of desperation, he could tell. He knew despair, after all. This wasn’t it.

“I don’t know how long it’ll take, or if I can even do it, but…” For some reason, staring into Hinata’s blank, shocked face was embarrassing, so he lowered his gaze back down to the ring in his hands, “You’ve always made me feel like everything will be okay in the end. So…I’ll try, for you.” He paused, followed it up with a quiet, unsure mumble, “And then, one day, I—I’m sure I can. Marry you, I mean. O-only if you want, of course.”

He really hoped Hinata wasn’t against it, though the thought that he could be sounded ridiculous.

Still, Nagito had no way of knowing for certain. The probability of Hinata having a different reaction than what he was expecting was greater than zero, after all.

But Hinata _had_ agreed when Nagito asked if he still meant that love confession, and he _did_ say he was willing to wait for however long it would take him to find the courage to ask Nagito the question that was usually associated with a ring, so he allowed himself to hope for a future that had seemed so utterly out of reach for him a few years ago.

Whether he actually had a chance at that future was entirely up to Hinata, though.

He hadn’t said anything since Nagito began his rambling. Granted, Nagito didn’t let him, but now that he was finished, he thought Hinata would have a comment or two about it. Yet, it was silent inside the cottage.

Nagito couldn’t bring himself to look up, too scared of the possibility that he might’ve ruined everything. He kept his eyes on the ring, burning the image into his mind and repeating the fact that it was proof for how much he, somehow, meant to Hinata over and over in his head.

Eventually, after what must’ve been at least two whole minutes, but felt more like half an hour, the silence came to an end.

It wasn’t interrupted by a voice, but a quick and sharp inhale of breath followed by a quiet, held back sound that made Nagito’s heart stop before switching into a too fast, panic-induced rhythm. His whole body snapped to attention, his back straightening, and his eyes wide open.

Hinata sat slumped over, shoulders shaking ever so slightly, and his face buried in his hands. It blocked the expression he was wearing from Nagito’s view, but he didn’t need to see it when he could still hear the short, muffled sobs and shaky breaths that were escaping him.

“H-Hinata-kun?” Nagito’s voice didn’t hide his panic, “A-are you crying?”

Hinata quickly shook his head, but the fast movement came at the cost of some of his composure and the next sob breaking out of him was loud enough to make both of them flinch. Hinata shrunk in on himself even further than he already had, his muscles visibly tensing. He was holding his breath to prevent any other sounds from escaping him.

In that moment, Nagito realized he had never seen Hinata cry before. And because of that, he had no idea what to do about it. The role of comforter was not usually one assigned to him. But he knew he had to try anyway.

That was easier said than done.

“Uh, Hinata-kun?” No reaction.

Nagito pondered if he should reach out to him, hold him the same way Hinata always asked him to whenever he had a nightmare, but without Hinata’s explicit permission, he couldn’t find the courage to do it.

Hinata sniffed. Nagito panicked, “I-I’m sorry for upsetting you! I didn’t mean to make you sad. That wasn’t my intention, I promise. If—If you don’t like it, I can take it back!”

Silence. The air around him froze, feeling cold and angry against his skin, slowly trapping him in a cage of ice, locking him forever into place.

Hinata shattered the illusion with an involuntary snort, a loud sob, a clearly choked up voice, “Of—of course _you’d_ think this i—is a bad reaction.” A bursting laugh, a cute sort-of hiccup, “Don’t you _dare_ try to take—take any of it back.”

“Huh?” Nagito frowned, confused, but Hinata still had his face buried in his hands and didn’t elaborate. “I…I don’t think I understand…”

Hinata took a deep, shaky breath. “I’m not—not sad,” he said, still struggling to get his voice to work properly, “I just—I never thought I—you—you’d ever say something like that—”

He had to stop and gasp for air again, but he started laughing halfway through calming down, and more words and sobs broke out of him.

“No, that—that’s a lie. I _did_ think about it, but—a-always imagining, wishing, hoping and—and then actually hearing—” He paused to furiously wipe away his tears, but they kept coming anyway. He didn’t seem too frustrated about it, though. Maybe he was just embarrassed to be seen like this.

Nagito had trouble keeping up and making sense of it all. It didn’t help when the next thing he registered was Hinata lunging forward, his arms slinging around his neck, and his upper body falling against his chest. His face was now pressed to Nagito’s shoulder, still hiding from view, but proof for the fact that he had been—and still was—crying, slowly seeped into Nagito’s clothes.

“I’m happy, Nagito,” Hinata said in a broken whisper. “I’m really, really happy.”

Nagito didn’t know how to respond, or even how to react. All he could do was sit there, speechless, as Hinata leaned closer, turning his head to nuzzle against Nagito’s neck. “Do you—” his tongue was heavy, his voice matching Hinata’s in terms of volume, “Do you think I can do it?”

Hinata laughed, breathless from the occasional sob or sniff that were still racking through his body. “Do I _think_?” His breath was colliding with Nagito’s skin when he spoke, “I _know_. You’re a strong person, Nagito.” A pause, and then, in a much softer tone of voice, “Especially once you set your mind to something. I really think you’re amazing in that regard.”

Strong. Amazing.

Nagito was halfway through opening his mouth to voice his disagreement, but stopped himself. If that was what Hinata thought of him, then, as he said before, he’d like to be able to think the same. He didn’t agree with it, yet, but he could…he should accept the compliment, right?

“I think you’re the only one on this island who’s capable of saying that unironically, but…” Slowly, carefully, he leaned into Hinata’s embrace, circling his arms around his waist and returning the hug. He felt the corner of his lips tuck upward unintentionally as he leaned his head against Hinata’s, “Thank you.”

The only response Hinata gave him was in the form of a comforting hand being placed on top of his head and getting tangled up in his hair.

Neither of them said anything for some time, perfectly content to stay in this moment for a bit longer.

“You know,” Hinata eventually said in a soft voice as if not to disturb their shared silence too much, “all this time, I was trying to find the words to propose to you, but now I feel like I could’ve never thought of a better way to say it than what you just did.”

“Oh? I proposed to you? Is that what you think?” Nagito said, knowing the teasing lilt to his voice went right over Hinata’s head when his body tensed up.

“Well—I mean—I-It _sounded_ like a proposal!” He fumbled with his words in embarrassment, and like any other time this happened, all Nagito could think about was how cute it was.

He really, truly was so incredibly lucky to have someone like Hinata in his life. For the entirety of his life even.

Nagito loosened his hold on Hinata and leaned back to see his face, holding up the gold ring he was still clutching between the fingers of his right hand. “Does that mean you want the ring?” he asked.

Hinata’s ears were bright red. “I, uh,” he brought one hand to his mouth, turned slightly to the side so that Nagito could only see his profile, and coughed into his fist. “Shouldn’t it be more like a—a reminder for what you said? So that you won’t forget what you decided to do?”

“Hmm,” Nagito made a show of considering it, but he already knew how he wanted this conversation to end. He put on his usual unassuming smile with practiced ease and said, in the most flippant tone of voice he could muster, “I didn’t know you were the type to attach such sentimental meanings to nothing but an object, Hajime-kun.”

Hinata gaped at him. Soon, his entire face was as red as his ears, but with the furrowed brow and narrowed eyes, it was hard to tell if he was flushed from his embarrassment or his anger. Could be both.

“Are you serious?” he asked.

It wasn’t a question. Nagito couldn’t hold back, a wave of light-hearted laughter breaking out of him.

“Seriously!? You’re going to make me remember that sentence for the rest of my life?” Hinata threw his arms into the air in a fit of rage, glaring daggers at Nagito as he failed to regain his composure. “Is that why you refused to say my name? So that you could _use it_?”

That honestly wasn’t his reason for not allowing himself to call Hinata by his given name, but now that it happened, it might as well had been. He felt a little bad about it, though. He’d have to make it up to Hinata later, but that was fine. He had a whole eternity to do so, after all.

Nagito held the ring close to his chest, refusing to let go of it, as he finally allowed himself to be happy.


End file.
